I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My hand turned me down
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
