beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
