If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
