i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
