Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
