It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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