Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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