I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
