I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
