Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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