alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
