Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
