Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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