It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
