1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the liver wants what the liver wants
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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