She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
