Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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