i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
