ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
