Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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