Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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