You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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