I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
