So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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