Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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