Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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