It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
