The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
