The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
