a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
