if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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