Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
