i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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