If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
