Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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