He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
