my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize