Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
