hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
