bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
