dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
