do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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