maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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