mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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