awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
