The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
