Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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