Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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