It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
not ubering you a puppy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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