Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
