my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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