Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
