One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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