Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is my gift to your gina
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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