u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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