woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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