How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
