You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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