My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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