I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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