I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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