dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
