Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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